A SECRETARY accidentally bit off the penis of her employer while giving him oral sex in a car..
Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported yesterday that while the 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on the man, the car was hit by a reversing van. The impact of the crash, China Press reported, caused the woman to bite off her lover’s organ.
The daily reported that the incident occurred in a Singapore park where the couple met after work.
To make matters worse for the woman, her husband had sent a private investigator to spy on her after suspecting that she was being unfaithful. The investigator said he had followed the woman and her boss to the park.
“On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently. After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,” he said.
The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ.
The investigator, who called an ambulance to send the man to hospital, said that this was the first time he had encountered such an incident.
Source: Star Online
Secretary and Boss
This is not funny for the love birds. Still, its hilarious and they deserve it.... good lessons for bosses who are married yet gatal ;p
The Generation Y
- Silent generation, people born before 1946.
- Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.
- Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.
- Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 1995.
Why do we call them generation Y?
This is the Reason
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Y
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- Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.
- Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.
- Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 1995.
Why do we call them generation Y?
This is the Reason
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Y
.Belajar Jepun
Nama-nama Jepun :)
01. Yang pemarah - KEiJI CACIMAKI
02. Yang suka berjimat - SAYORI SUKAMURA
03. Yang bisu - KIETA TADASORA
04. Yang suka makan nasi - NANACHi KASIBANYA
05. Yang suka layan blues - APO NADIKATO
06. Yang suka belajar - ASHIKO ULANGKAJI
07. Yang kerap bikin kacau - WAKASI HURUHARA
08. Yang sangat kedekut - MATIMATI TAMOKASI
09. Yang suka sangat tidur - ICHIBAN TIDOMATI
10. Yang suka mengintai - HINTAI AKOSUKA
11. Yang tua - TARAGIGI PADANMUKA
12. Yang kena tinggal bini - SUSAHATI BINILARI
13. Yang suka merempit - SAJA CARIMATI
14. Yang Lembab - AYUMI SIPUTBABI
15. Yang suka BERSUMPAH - lU FIKIRLAH SENDIRI.
[terimakasih pada brader Kebuk]
01. Yang pemarah - KEiJI CACIMAKI
02. Yang suka berjimat - SAYORI SUKAMURA
03. Yang bisu - KIETA TADASORA
04. Yang suka makan nasi - NANACHi KASIBANYA
05. Yang suka layan blues - APO NADIKATO
06. Yang suka belajar - ASHIKO ULANGKAJI
07. Yang kerap bikin kacau - WAKASI HURUHARA
08. Yang sangat kedekut - MATIMATI TAMOKASI
09. Yang suka sangat tidur - ICHIBAN TIDOMATI
10. Yang suka mengintai - HINTAI AKOSUKA
11. Yang tua - TARAGIGI PADANMUKA
12. Yang kena tinggal bini - SUSAHATI BINILARI
13. Yang suka merempit - SAJA CARIMATI
14. Yang Lembab - AYUMI SIPUTBABI
15. Yang suka BERSUMPAH - lU FIKIRLAH SENDIRI.
[terimakasih pada brader Kebuk]
Jason Mraz ~ I'm Yours
I won't hesitate, no more, no more.
There's no need to complicate because our time is short.
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There's no need to complicate because our time is short.
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20 things to remember during the Working Days
Got this from an email. Please consider seriously before following these "tips" :)
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13. We waste time so you don’t have to.
14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away! ....
15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19. Succeed in spite of management.
20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
Mathematics
Romance
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Office
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Shopping
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
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Tallest Vehicular Bridge
Imagine standing at the edge of this tallest bridge in the world...... beautiful yet scary!? More about the Millau Viaduct bridge on wikipedia and more photos on Google.
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Don't Worry Be Happy
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Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now.
CHORUS:
Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
CHORUS:
(Look at me -- I'm happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Here I give you my phone number. When you worry, call me,
I make you happy. Don't worry, be happy.)
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
CHORUS:
(Don't worry, don't worry, don't do it.
Be happy. Put a smile on your face.
Don't bring everybody down.
Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is.
Don't worry, be happy.
I'm not worried, I'm happy...)
Thanks to Bobby Mc Ferrin
.
Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now.
CHORUS:
Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
CHORUS:
(Look at me -- I'm happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Here I give you my phone number. When you worry, call me,
I make you happy. Don't worry, be happy.)
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
CHORUS:
(Don't worry, don't worry, don't do it.
Be happy. Put a smile on your face.
Don't bring everybody down.
Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is.
Don't worry, be happy.
I'm not worried, I'm happy...)
Thanks to Bobby Mc Ferrin
Anamorphism
..
A pool in the middle of the street? Look at the guys feet in the pool:
Well, from another perspective.... it is all just a flat illusion!
Hari ni belajar perkataan baru.... berbelit lidah nak sebut:
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A pool in the middle of the street? Look at the guys feet in the pool:
Well, from another perspective.... it is all just a flat illusion!
Hari ni belajar perkataan baru.... berbelit lidah nak sebut:
- Julian Beever - pelukis gambar di atas
- Center for Graphic Facilitation
- Anamorphic Art Resources
- The Art of Anamorphosis
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Pick-up Line Comebacks...
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
source: lawakjenaka.com
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
source: lawakjenaka.com
Batu Apa?
Download perbualan ini sebagai pengajaran cabaran dalam berkomunikasi. Klik untuk dowload Batu Apa
Lebih jelas kalau download dan dengar sendiri. Tapi kalau nak baca transkrip perbualan itu, ia seperti berikut.
Panggilan talian kecemasan 999:
Pemanggil: Hello Semilang Semilang Semilang?
Operator di 999: Selamat petang, boleh saya bantu?
Pemanggil: Di sini kite nok melaporkang ade eksideng blaggor
Operator: Dekat mane tuh?
Pemanggil: Kapung pusak sembur, batu nang
Operator: Batu ape?
Pemanggil: Batu nang
Operator: Ulang semule batu ape?
Pemanggil: Batu nang
Operator: Batu APE??
Pemanggil: Batu pe#&r BODO!!!
Pengajaran:
1. Berkomunikasi memang banyak cabaran. Sama-samalah bersabar :)
2. Jangan buat panggilan palsu atau mengganggu operator 999. Ramai orang perlu bantuan segera, kalau lambat tindakan boleh hilang nyawa dan hilang harta-benda. Mak bapak, tolong ajar anak-anak, kalau tak nanti orang kata anak kurang ajar! Yang dah dewasa tu, pergilah cari benda yang lebih berfaedah atau belajarlah berkawan. Sekarang dah ada Akta untuk saman RM50,000 dan penjara 1 tahun untuk panggilan palsu. Yang lebih besar, ingatlah sentiasa, ada ubi ada batas.... satu hari Tuhan balas!
.
Lebih jelas kalau download dan dengar sendiri. Tapi kalau nak baca transkrip perbualan itu, ia seperti berikut.
Panggilan talian kecemasan 999:
Pemanggil: Hello Semilang Semilang Semilang?
Operator di 999: Selamat petang, boleh saya bantu?
Pemanggil: Di sini kite nok melaporkang ade eksideng blaggor
Operator: Dekat mane tuh?
Pemanggil: Kapung pusak sembur, batu nang
Operator: Batu ape?
Pemanggil: Batu nang
Operator: Ulang semule batu ape?
Pemanggil: Batu nang
Operator: Batu APE??
Pemanggil: Batu pe#&r BODO!!!
Pengajaran:
1. Berkomunikasi memang banyak cabaran. Sama-samalah bersabar :)
2. Jangan buat panggilan palsu atau mengganggu operator 999. Ramai orang perlu bantuan segera, kalau lambat tindakan boleh hilang nyawa dan hilang harta-benda. Mak bapak, tolong ajar anak-anak, kalau tak nanti orang kata anak kurang ajar! Yang dah dewasa tu, pergilah cari benda yang lebih berfaedah atau belajarlah berkawan. Sekarang dah ada Akta untuk saman RM50,000 dan penjara 1 tahun untuk panggilan palsu. Yang lebih besar, ingatlah sentiasa, ada ubi ada batas.... satu hari Tuhan balas!
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Olny srmat poelpe can raed this
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed this psas it on
ok, you are smart :)
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ok, you are smart :)
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Lawyer oh Lawyer.....
An auditor and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Kuala Lumpur to New Zealand. The lawyer asks if the auditor would like to play a fun game? The auditor, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, the auditor declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the Auditor's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless he plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The Auditor doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a$5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay", says the lawyer, "your turn." He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library, no answer. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Auditor, and hands $500.00. The Auditor says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the Auditor and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Auditor reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
source: Funny Joke Malaysia
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The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, the auditor declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the Auditor's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless he plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The Auditor doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a$5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay", says the lawyer, "your turn." He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library, no answer. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the Auditor, and hands $500.00. The Auditor says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the Auditor and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the Auditor reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
source: Funny Joke Malaysia
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